April 05, 2002 - 3:12 pm

back to my eastertiMe dinner w/ mar von janko ::: >>> we are eating our dinners — talking — doing some general discourse & such — when suddenly — i guess — i mention — the wrong thing : i ask him 'have you heard from Elena at alL?' — & he responds w/ silence & a strange upperbody tension — he chews a little bit faster [ & mar is a very slow eater — more of a culinary conversationalist at heart ] & his arMs pull in closer to his torso w/ his fork gripped a little more convoluted ::: he breathes in a strange sigh inhalatioN — & then — the air slowly comes out of hiM — its as if i can see him deflate before my veRy eyes : i can understand why i guess — Elena was the love of his life — they were together for 7 years & then Elena decided to move to swedeN to work in a little used bookshop — go to university — read a bit — just get away in generaL : as much as this had caused great pain for the both of them — both Elena & mar knew this was for the best & they parted on friendly terms [ occasionally mar would fly out to stolkhom & they would sleep together again in her apartment studio — veRy coZy — very happily & w/ a casual acceptance of life's little ride ( no pun intended here ) ] ::: >>>   anyhow — i guess — come to find out — that mar recently found out that Elena will marry sooN & that these casual sleepovers will be nommore :   so i can understand my poor friends silence at this innocent question posed across the dinnertable : but anyhow ::: the more we talked & ate together the more i realized how truly different we are : we are stilL great friends — but sometiMes i forget how we met or why we sometiMes still get together — i mean — he is a rather strange person if i examine it : but — we are friends — no? ::: >>> & part of the friendship is to experience & share these differences — to almost blindly accept these idiosyncratic juxtapositions in the relationship : & we do so w/o even thinking on it — you know? : its like the 'you say tomato i say tomato' thing i guess — except of course — you don't really call the whole thing off ::: >>> so : my favourite time of course is coffeetiMe — i get entirely too coffee thirsty at tiMes & am always too eager to put a hot cup to lip to sip & relax while simultaneously wiring up : i cleared the table a bit — simply leaving the salt & pepper — put the coffee on — & we moved out & over to the livingrooM area w/ the television set & my computer on desk [ & the HT ] — after i heard the beeping indication that 'coffee's done' i got up to go to the kitchen agaiN & saw the suN streaming in upon the kitchentable top — long shadows thru & pass the salt & pepper shakers — a true symbollic suggestion from the cosmos — a metaphor for janko & i [ i assuMe of course that most people would think of me as the peppershaker ] ::: >>>