June 14, 2005 - 3:35 am

well, perhaps the most embarassing thing on the world happened to me this morning at the coffeeshop that i usually stomp on ::: i was standing in the line, minding my own bee's wax really, and slowly making some progress amongst the morning queue at the cafe ::: alL automotive commuters to the variegated officeparks and businesses still in the area and not yet offshored seeM to make the rest stop for the daily caffeine enhancements, no? ::: & i being among the hip & happening at this & at that i might add i might say ::: but anyhow, i finally make it to the front of the line, and usually i have my correct change already in hand, ready and raring to go as they said ::: >>>

well ::: here's what happened ::: >>>

........................ .. ...... ::: i get up the front on the line, put in my coffee drink order to the cafe counter intelligensia, the order is wrung out on the register and then i decide to search for the correct change for my transaction ::: i guess my pockets are kind of tight, you know? & i put my hand on the pocket and as i closed my fingers into a fist around the pocket contents, the relative mass & volume of my hand increased in such a way as to make difficulty in pulling out the pocket contents, the change that i so needed for my coffeetiMe purchasings ::: i tug & pull & yank & still w/ a tight fist around coinage tug a bit more & then ...


       ... alL of a suddeN ...

            ... i succeed in the retrieval of my hand froM my pocket, right? but unfortunately for the womaN directly behind me, with the outswing of my hand, fist and arM, in the heat oN the moment, i completely elbowed the woman queued behine me right in the vagina ::: i felt so utterly horrible & simultaneously accomplished at the same time [ after all, i had finally fished out the correct change for my coffee and midmorning commuting snackage ] ::: well, to be honest on you, i didn't at first realize the amount of labial pain i had inflicted on the businesswoman to my backside, you known? it wasn't until after i had coffee in hand and pastry too w/ a quick, energetic spiN of the legs and torso on feet that i noticed the poor woman completely hobbled over, nearly sitting native american style upon the cool, tiled floor ::: many people were staring on me w/ disapproval ::: my smile washed to an awkward open-mouthed expression of confusion & dismay ::: i stopped & helped the woman to her feet, sat her down at one of the cabaret-style seating arrangements on the floor, near the pastry display case ::: >>>

'aRe you okay lady?' i asked with alL the heartfelt warmth & empathy a person such as myself can muster 'why are you crying like this miss?' ::: >>>

after soMe heated discussion we exchanged information so that i could follow up to make sure she is vaginally restored to her pre-elbowed state of being [ although honestly, is it not her fault for not taking a step back & giving me the appropriate & patriotic invisible bubble of individual freedoM & stance rightly issued us in the declaration of independence? or should she not have considered wearing some sort of sports protection until firmly planted on her ergonomic + secure chair on the officeplace on the work? i mean, seriously, i claim no guarantee's to never again accidentally 'bump' across another person thusly so closely queued to my hindquarters, especially so closely positioned to my coin-fishing limbage ]



::: ha ha hah :::



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May 04, 2005 - 5:32 pm

i had the distinct pleasure of visiting the Mac Store on the North Shore Mall this past weekend ::: a fine experience everytime i go into there — no? ::: i just love the clean & simple design of the boxes ::: elegant & leaving much whitespace for the consumer to relax the eyes a bit & smile ::: ipod upod we alL pod for ipod ::: you know? ::: >>>

the experience i was most impressed with however had to do w/ my duties to god & my country if you get my draft ::: at a certain point i needed to use the facilities as we said on the united states — so i asked where said facilities might be & i was kindly escorted through a rather tall shinywhite doorway to a backroom space that led to a bathroom compartment ::: alL white ::: utterly clean ::: just the sound of the aggressive ventilation system ::: it all reminded me of the Cloud City from The Empire Strikes Back ::: spartanly luxurious ::: nice! ::: >>>

::: ha ha hah :::

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April 07, 2005 - 7:09 pm

today — on the officeplace — i felt the need to use the restrooM — no? — i meaN we alL have these special human moments during the workaday wheN the lowerbody discomforture makes bodily recommendations to get up off your cozy swivelchair & head to the men's rooM [ or lady's rooM if you are lucky enough to be of this persuasion ] ::: & so i get up to go — walking dowN the corridor — passing the janitorial closet [ peeking in to make sure my stalkerfriend at work isn't watching my every move ( as is usual ) ] — the water cooler & motivational posters — the cafetoriuM — & — finally — to the meN's rooM ::: >>>


::: the new office has the automatically flushing toilets :::


so ::: let's say that my output was a bit more than i originally expected ::: i thought i had a rather reasonable midday post-sandwich movement — something rather low-key & manageable by public bathrooM facilities far & wide ::: little did i realize that i would have a high volume yield accompanied by a somewhat painful & rather challenging delivery [ a true corporate challenge one might say ] ::: >>>

w/ the new auto-flushers — my post-movement escape from this veritable porcelain-lined crime scene posed new dilemma ::: i wiped & stood up — the toilet flushed — but unfortunately did not flush all the way — some of my bowel & toiletpaper swirled toward the bottom of the bowl in a ghostly cadence as toiletwater filled & filled — nearly all the way to the top ::: as i stood — i realized wholeheartedly the predicament i was in — & tried to stay as close to the right wall of the stall as possible [ i should have used the king's chambers today — but no such luck presented themselves to me as someone was already occupying that roomy space ] ::: i carefully swing open the stalL door & jauntily hop out of the stalL ::: success! ::: no extra flushings — no disastrous toilet overflowings ::: >>>

i wash thoroughly at the sink using the new purple soft soap — and decide to just sneak away [ no need to notify the building authorities on this one my friends — let them discover this one on their own — no? ]



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