April 15, 2002 - 4:23 pm


later in the day & sometiMe toward the grand finale of my workaday lifestyle — i usually have to run to the lavatory facilities for a bit — soMe quick relief — a freshining up before my departure to the evening commute homeward ::: >>>

today i enter the restroom & there is a line-up along the outer walL — a queue to p!ss & sh!t ::: 'insane' i think to myself [ as i do not truly have the capability to think to others as of yet ] — alL this waiting around to rest — nonsense — i wilL take a little fieldtrip upstairs & take these matters into my own hands ::: >>>

so — to appear more official — i quickly return to my desktop & grab a print out or 2 to rustle between fingers — slowly walk toward the door to the hallway while looking down at this paperwork-based disguise to conceal my escape to irresponsibility at the workplace — & then approach the elevator ::: it is only 1 flight up — but i must read — no? ::: >>>

the elevator arrives at floor 2 & i spill out onto the green grey muted pink static carpeted upstairs hallway — i turn the corner & enter the upstairs mensrooM : it is much warmer in this restroom than downstairs : a cleaner warmth actually than downstairs : there are less curls of hairs left around the porcelain if you can catch my draft here : less random shards of toiletpaper [ usually scattered around by some madman who cannot get the concept behind 1 of the new rolls of paper that oftentimes drop during mid-tear of a hand-wrap of paper — yes — someone has some coffee jitters or something & is too self-absorbed to simply pick up & leave nature the way he found her — i hate this things ] : framed depictions of nautical vessels in less than stormy oceans adorn the whitewashed walls — also cleaner than downstairs : even the circular metal just-in-case overflow drain centrally located in the grid of white tiles on the floor seems somehow aptly polished & gleaming [ i am almost blinded ] : everything extra-white & sanitary in a happy medicinal way : there is an uncanny lack of smelL here ::: >>>


the handicap stall door is closed & seems as if locked from the inside : i knuckleknock — no response — i open the door — enter & sit ::: >>>

i think i have found my new facilities ::: >>>




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April 15, 2002 - 3:09 pm



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April 15, 2002 - 1:29 pm


about midday i walk into the restroom & someoNe is utilizing my favourite stall [ the handicap stalL is much more luxurious after alL & allows for greater comfort & a soothing spacial imprisonment that helps to ease the soul & assist in outlet of unecessary energies & materials ] : i opted for the only other available restroom seat in the office ( at least on my floor ) since the odours from earlier had subsided ::: >>>

as i sat & adjusted to my surroundings i noticed the high-end leakage of what must have been a set of headphones — the man next door must accompany his mensroom activities w/ a disco jam of music : perhaps this things are to help mask the occasional splash & anal raspberry exhasperatioNs during an bowelling expeditions : i do not know — although it appeared all was silent on the western front — that is — besides this high-hat drum & bass rhythms & the occasional scuff of shoe across tile ::: >>>

stranger things have happened i am sure :::

after about 20 minutes — i finish up & rebutton rebuckle & leave my stalL w/ a flush as punctuation to my departure : i move up to sink & mirror to wash & of course make the grand mistake to lean forward into the sink : son of a b!tch — of course — & once again — this thing happens whereby any sinkly water residue accumulated from the many messy marvins washing their hands before re-entry to the workplace — any of this sinktop water now soaks the front portion of the pants in an annoyingly rorschachesque manner at that : in haste & w/ anger i pull a few c-fold paper towels from their dispenser & push down in an attempt to absorb &/or use friction to rid my pants of this embarrassing stigma :::

before leaving — i listen a bit longer to hear the disco boy still jamming on the 1 inside the handicap stalL — the envy i feel wells up a bit & i decide to see for myself perhaps who this special visitor is ::: i mean — does the man even have the semblance of a limp? — will he at least have the decency to pretend he has some signs of minor blindness or at least a lisp? — how dare he infiltrate this reserved parking spot for the disabled derriere? ::: >>>

anyhow ::: so as to get a quick sneak peak at who this mystery sh!tter is ::: i hide myself underneath the double sinks countertop — down by the soap dispenser storage units ::: >>>

approximately 43 minutes after this — there is the trademark flushing & slight scuffling w/in the stalL to readminister clothing & proper shirt tucking etcetera : the stalldoor swings open & i hear the headphone music pulse rising as the maN approaches to wash his hands — i hear no water — i assuMe he is at least checking his tie or hair or something — or perhaps just admiring himself in some ways — as he stands for a quite a bit of time there at the sinks & mirror — a bit of a whistle [ although i do not recognize the tune in any way ] : & i notice the slacks he wears are nicely pressed — the socks he wears [ as he pulls up his pantleg a bit from time to time here ] are black w/ a slightly inferred patterN — & his shoes are a bit worn but classy nonetheless ::: >>>

a minute or 2 goes by : i hear him slightly cuss & pull paper towels from the dispenser to absorb the water that has stained the front of his trousers — he appears to get semi-erect as he attempts to clean up — then he throws out his paper towel & leaves the mensrooM ::: >>>

i approach the handicap stalL — my only clue concerning the mystery of this restroom maniac — a print out of the boston globe sports page from the website left delicately atop the toiletpaper dispenser — held up in place by the handicap railing along the west walL — this completely disgusts me ::: >>>


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April 15, 2002 - 6:33 am


what the chr!st do people eat? ::: >>>

early thiS morNing — wheN i arrived in office — i went to go utilize the handicap bathrooM facilities — & i could not believe the unforgivable odours someoNe had left behind : this was certainly something foul — rancid — worthy of high-criMe status ::: i could only ask myself 'what did this fellow eat last nite? his own sh!t?' ::: >>>

i finished up w/ what minimal restroom contribution i had to add to the tremendous accomplishments of this early morning unknown sh!tter — almost vomited — washed up & pulled myself slowly over to my desktop workstation : what a horrible horrible day as pre-ordained by this acrid gutteral stench — absolutely positively clear & apparent harbinger for the mood & mode of my daily activities this dreary monday ::: >>>


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