April 20, 2003 - 6:41 am

oNe thing i would like to implement on a worldwide scale in the world of sales & business & alL parts & parcels of officekind in genera would be the following regarding the restrooM etiquette ::: >>>

that's right my friends | my colleagues | my coworkers | netizens of the world ::: the mmcf ::: an officeplace essential if you ask me [ & i hope you do ] ::: >>>

although for soMe oddball reason on the other — your typical suit sidles up to the urinal or throne with an almost-immediate pulL & flush before any extrapolations begin whatsoever [ i believe the executive management does this entirely unnecessary flushings prior to the p!ss or sh!t simply to feel the cool cascades of white mountain flushing swirls in the springtime upoN the front of any pubic coiffure ( if at urinal ) or bottom of scrotum ::: a sheer pleasure sensation indeed ] — what more appropriate time to let the waters take you away than right smack dab in the middle of any public restrooM movement? ::: >>>


firstly : let me telL you : things start to get right nasty in thar if there is no mmcf ::: i don't care how clean you think your eating habits are — or — what latest faddiet you half-follow — things get stanky pretty fast ::: don't forget — not only are you letting your innards go out & beyond the middle-cavities of digestment & god knows what else — you are also now — for perhaps the first or second time in the day — allowing any fartage to float & fly free froM that godawfuL officechaiR accumulatioN ::: alL those late nites — alL those meals at the desk — i just hope you have been changing your pants on a near-daily basis [ otherwise shame on you twice my gross-office friend — hoo! — not good practices of oe ( tla = office etiquette ) ] ::: so — good idea to let the waters of fate let what floats mosey on out half-way through — just for the courtesy of any stallmates about & abound in that there restrooMs ::: >>>

secondly : you can cover up aNy serious pushing you might have to do in thar ::: for instance — let's say that yesterday you had soMe indian food for lunch — but followed up w/ a midafternoon partaking of the stringcheese — but perhaps a bit too much ::: perfect time & application of the mmcf! ::: go for it ::: you know the currified little sanjeevkapoor log is suffering from it's own little bo nightmarewurld — forget about the poor accountant from finance sitting in the stall next to you [ or the coo curling up into the urinal with head against the cool tiles before him ] — now — not only do you have the olfactory-induced motivation in place — but — you also have the added tensioN of the section of stringcheese in the mix as welL ::: strategy in place : mmcf! : additional technique &/or remedy — i like to call the entire 2-part procudure the flush & push : you can even vocalize at a low level & your office workers wilL never pick up oN the nature of your birthing [ sometiMes the vocalizations are merely a great way to clear the rooM anyhow — you know? — foR a little privatetiMe to read the leftover USAToday — maybe update the palm pilot — or to simply stare at the tile for a while & let the 'i work in an office' preparatory internal mantra slowly ease your mind into the netherworld of zen needed to get through to at least quarter to four ] yes another flush success story just waiting to be happened ::: >>>


although we're only on our secondlies here ::: let me make a quick casual mention that the one drawback to the mmcf — the toiletbowl backsplash — is almost unavoidable in these situations ::: the only actioN i can recommend is to push the back of your head on the walL behind the toilet & using your feet, legs, back & ass muscles — arch your body up & away from the lip of the seat ::: then — reach back & pulL w/ military precisioN & confidence ::: the worst that could happen here is ... welL ... no ... i've heard soMe stories actually ... you're on your own here ... i wilL not be held responsible for my recommendations — but stilL highly recommend them ::: >>>



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